Cody’s defense today

dear cody is having an oral defense today, he is maybe, the coolest guy in our group, and puls, the most handsome guy>_<

anyway, he has done a lot of work on refining our group’s processor, which is mocomp algorithm for spaceborn InSAR and have a lot of great result.

His defense should be on the best defense list I have ever attend. He has quite good public speaking skills, good slides and very clear logic in his work

I can’t see how I would be three years latter in the future,  standing in the same position, nervously delivering my research result

hopefully as good ad him.

SO my preparation would be

__seize every opportunity of public speaking, trying to talk with others about  my research, like to John Pauly, who would definitely sitting as my commit

___ have tangible and good research result

___ improve my English speaking skill

___improve the way to deliver scientific logic thinking and result

However, I have acquired good listening skills by watching tons of TV shows, now , to improve my speaking

I need to

1) writing –the best way to improve your oral

2) reading papers, especially emphasize on how they articulate their thinking

3) attending more lectures and talks

 

You can do it if you are willing to

 

why I am not suitable to be a researcher.

I am writing this , not for finding excuses to escape my responsibility as a Ph.d candidate, not for prelude to quitting my research career,

but just for analyzing the reason why I don’t enjoy doing research so far and how I can be more prepared for the following years.

Tell the truth, I think Research is very very hard. It doesn’t require a lot of intelligence as I thought it would,

It requires a lot of will-power, self-control and self-appreciation, just like losing weight or quitting smoking, rehabbing.

People prefer instant gratification  to  long term benefits. Though a piece of cake is tremendously unhealthy, it is still the favorite food for all most everyone on earth. WHY? because tons of fat and sugar in the cake just instantly raises blood-glucose, consequently, enhance our mood. So we all love it to death.

However,  healthy food, like vegetables, fruits and nuts, are still constantly denied by lots of people, extremely children, who is obviously lack willpower.

I can’t deny there are lots of people have succeeded in the battle with fat, unfortunately I am not one of them. I don’t blame myself for weak willpower or self-control. I attribute most of the failure to lack of incentives.  I don’t have to please anyone who I don’t care and my body is not my tools of making a living.  why suffering?

 

The same logic applies for research. Research usually takes lots of time, from knowing the subject quite well, to have some good ideas, to implement the ideas and get good results, even to convince others and selling this ideas.

You can be trapped at  every single step,  even you get up and back on the track, you still can’t

get the instant rewards to power you on….. So lots of people quit, suffer and hate to be a graduate, even in the best institution plus the best whether and perhaps the largest stipend compared with others…

 

My parents are always not supportive in my career, even in my earlier stage of studying. The most valuable thing in their eyes  for a woman ——-is to get married and have kids and enjoy all the luxury products.

I used to rebel for the sake of rebelling. Maybe I just don’t like them so I did everything opposite to their wishes. However, now I am much mature.  Especially when they called me during Thanksgiving holiday, begging me to go back home and marry someone. I really have gave it a second thought.

 

But the answer is still NO.  I don’t want to quit, maybe I just don’t want to settle and leave a problem unsolved, especially for this big problem.

 

 

 

 

Life of so much distraction

again, thanksgiving, black friday deals, and lots of turkey, pie, movie, shopping, etc….

I went to black friday shopping once, the first time I came to US. Zixuan is very nice, I knew he is absolutely not interested in shopping or waiting in the line during midnight, but since back then, I was just arriving and curious about everything, he took me to the nearest outlet shopping. That was a terrible night, so many people around, and I was totally fed up with that environment, surrounded with people, long line and cheap perfume smell. I like shopping, as most women in the world, I like high quality handbags, like luxury shoes, like clothes and perfumes. But I definitely won’t sacrifice my happiness and time for just 100-200 bucks. I would rather pay more money in LV or Hermes store, just to have that quiet and comfortable shopping experience.

 

However, though I haven’t been to outlet, I am not totally immune to this shopping fever.

constantly receiving emails from merchandise reminding me of good deals

on FB or RenRen, people showing off their newly bought items. 

Then after struggling for one day, I got myself a 300 dollar handbag, some 100 dollar boots, and lots of clothes.

 

But, do I really need them?? on retrospect, I shouldn’t buy those stuff. Will people’s impression about me really change when I carry Hermes instead of Coach?

will my happiness and self-esteem increase after putting on those beautiful things?

I think, the answer is definitely NO. But the reason I and lots of people keep buying stuff, is just temptation.  We can’t resist the temptation of commercial ads, we can’t resist the ideas all the ads and media selling us. we can’t resist the social standard of judging people by the things they own, not the idea or thought they have.

 

the only way to resist that and do what I really want, maybe, like most genius have said and done,  live by myself and don’t care about what others think about me

I just have my life once. Yes, I should enjoy the money I have, enjoy beautiful and good things, 

but don’t let them be your burden and source of pressure.

 

the wisdom of life —schopenhauer

though I always reclaim that my favorite philosopher is schopenhauer, I never read a single book of him

during this afternoon, I begin to read his famous and easiest book, the wisdom of life

his words are very easy to understand, and all the words of wisdom,

those are good quotes

it is mainly because this vacuity of soul that people go in quest of society, diversion, amusement,luxury of every sort, which lead many to extravagance and misery

nothing is so good as a protection against such misery as inward wealth, the wealth of mind,

unfortunately, 100 fools together will not make one wise man

ordinary people

promising to myself ——no buying, constrain your budget until next year

wasting time on online shopping is a tragedy you are experiencing everyday,

how about using this time for , like research or simply reading books or practicing piano?

you need to restrict yourself more and spent time wisely

like put up one day for shopping new outfits

but in the rest of days, never think about it

never shop everyday, that is a 病。。。

end such a sad day

first time in this month, I dare to go to scale to weight myself, shockingly to find that I am 130 pounds now.

which is totally intolerable, drew myself in such a bad mood

 

then about the news I found on Fb, someone is in a relationship

what ………………..

All but me are still suffering from singlism.

why am I always and permanent single?? the reason is simple, look and yourself and watch out for your weight

you are exactly the reason why you are single.

why you are miserable, is also the same reason why just no one likes you

you need some reflection and keep working hard

not waste your time

watch out for what you are eating and pay attention to your weight.

 

 

 

to be elegant is the most important thing

yesterday, I bought a relatively quite expensive handbag, it cost almost 150 dollar

though I am not  kind of oversaving person, I do see that it is relatively a big cost and does it necessary?

while I still questioning myself this kind of questions, I see the new student in my group

she looks very very pretty and thin, You can tell immediately she is quite rich and very fashion

she wears good clothes, using the newest model of apple air, using good handbags, high heel shoes and the hair style is also so good.

now compared with me, never put an eye on this kind of things, never fully pay attention to my style

and always hunting for free food and never really take care of myself

how about cleaning up my stuff and cleaning up myself, and then trying to be thinner?

thin is an indication of wealth, I never see anyone who is fat and who is rich.

good and white skin is also an essential part of your wealth, always pay attention to those things instead of just keep an eye on others,

why not live a decent an elegant life, instead of just live a life for a better life?

I still agree with tao in this point, any women, who can’t take care of herself, is kind of failure and can’t attract men..

 

 

quick bite notes

notion practicing 

relationship based 

advising relationship 

my advisor 

empower your role and your active role in shaping relationship

faculty member tutor be dysfunctional , expectation all about the relationship would work

alignment  

clear communication ,especially face to face, is crucial for setting and revisiting expectation

dissertation topic in advance 

state your expectation explicit

guess the rule

rationale could be 

check for understanding

barrier for understanding, proactive

set expectation for future, negotiable, 

implicit

 

 

worksheet to help initiate conversation

initiate conversation about expectations

raise revisit the 

recalibrate them and 

the number of options would diminish 

disaggreement invite you to hold this in your mind

power differential 

positional strategy —-interest based strategy

define issue 

call on shared interests

identify options

select solutions

how can i get teaching experience

determine the order of authorship on papers

easy to understand but hard to do

solution-oriented 

compliment 

for some personal reason both of us don’t want to waste time to commute 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

every friday night, I made a to do list and turn out to do the first thing on Sunday night…

Sucks.. really sucks, I don’t know how it can happen this way always,

 

keep you time tangible, now list the things you did in the weekend

 

1 went to have dinner with friends, and gym workout …waste time on Internet

2 wake up late on Saturday morning,  have brunch,    waste time on Internet for whole afternoon……….. read some paper and chat with friends again until midnight

 

3 wake up late,  have brunch, …went to bookstore drink coffee and search new book to read..found a new book and read all afternoon………..

 

4 remember that I have to do the homework and do some research at night, so stressed now..

 

 

From the list, I definitely see that I should carefully utilize  the morning and afternoon more productively..

 

next weekend, definitely need to make everything tangible.

book review: overdressed —the shocking high cost of cheap fashion

though I haven’t read the book and don’t see the necessity of doing it, I totally agree with the opinion the author puts out and amazed by her sense and brevity to address this problem.

We all know that a lot of women have this shop addiction, whose house or dorm of full of unnecessary stuff they never used. cheap clothes, cheap shoes etc. Why? I totally blame the cheap fashion industry and their rock bottom price that allure the customer to waste money.

7 dollars shoes, 5 dollars dresses and tops, they are simply hard to resist. Besides, a lot of youtube videos of girls showing off their cheap items to make that it is the fashion and trend. Totally nonsense.

For now, the cheap fashion industry,  has wasted a lot of resources and human time( especially for me, I spend tremendous time shopping online to buy under 10 dollar clothes to make me style). They advertise trend instead of taste. they advertise quantity instead of quality. Though I am not claiming that girls need to buy luxury stuff, but at least get away from these disposal, fast cheap fashion items.

Now, looking back at my own wardrobe,  it is simply full of clothes which is worth wear for one or two times. especially the tops bought from Forever 21 and H&M, it is so awful. Why make yourself look so cheap instead of buying some high quality and style things??

Taobao is also chinese version of this stuff. I can’t image how much time young generation, especially the girls wast in shopping at taobao, just make sure they are on the trend.  Obviously I am not exception. I am one of those young and innocent girls, who is easily allured by this stuff and dress up just like I am from rural areas. No taste and no style. All I have is several cute items. From 10 meters away, yeah, maybe you look ok, but when zoom in, people will find how cheap you are and how shop addictive you are .

So just get some sense and get away from anything under 30. Disposable and fast fashion is high cost, just look at how much money you have wasted and will waste in the future, especially the energy and time, especially the even bad image you are projecting on others. So simply put, just get back to your normal life and stop doing this~