2012 Christmas Eve

Marry Christmas to all

This Christmas I absolutely experiment something, and absolutely not choose to do something. I am so grateful for all the wonderful persons I got to know during this year, especially someone I need to point out.

David is really an adorable person, I have a habit of following him on his blog ever since I met him. His spirits of exploring all the different things, exploring all the different culture and events, inspires me a lot. Though sometimes, I am jealous of all the things he has, like great intelligence, great concentration, lots of good friends, easy to go anywhere he wants, good at both English and Chinese, good looking , etc………( I seems to be too jealous) however, I still believe I can also be a person like him, create my story not following others,  and create my personality.

 

Honestly speaking, I am quite satisfied with my performance on 2012, except for less time on  TV watching ( I really need to get rid of all the tv shows, I am quite addicted to them~~~) and hope I could do better in 2013

as I always said, always travel while you have a long holiday, always open your mind and open your heart to new things, and always embark on good journey~~~

 

Merry christmas and happy new year~~ can’t wait to see what I am going to see for the next year~~

satisfaction

recently , I feel totally abandoned, I like the sentence Dave said while his interview on inside actor studio,

no one is bad, sometimes just the environment is  a little sick

I think about this the same way.

I have always a wrong conception about myself. I always think myself is some one no one likes. according to my previous experience, the idea is not from no where.

My parents are still sick of me. Every time I propose to go back and get to them, they just denied, they denied all the things I proposed

maybe I should just change my mind and go to focus on myself, do things I really like to do and totally ignore them

keep on

Igarss 2013

I need to submit and go to Igarss 2013 this year,  For my first time travelling and preparing for some international conference

no matter whether the result would be accepted or not, I need to give it a try.

using this winter break to develop something important and do something meaningful to myself.

 

a single man—movie review

yesterday, I watched a movie called ” a single man”

it is not a traditional blockbuster movie, just a simple one, but since it is directed by Tom Ford ( the fashion guru, who saved Gucci and YSL) the movie is so delicate and beautiful that every frame is just like a photo in fashion magazine. I bet Tom has fully utilize his network in fashion to ask so many handsom men to play in his movie

I still remember some of the good lines in the movie

while the hero in this movie, went to see his lover before he decided to suicide, I remember the woman say the lines

” coming to america is just like a dream, icing on the cake

going back home is a defeat

neither way works as I planed”

she used to be young and has everything in UK, but after she moved to LA, life seems to work in the wrong direction. She got married ,divorced , can’t find anyone who truly loved her , etc.

I am so moved by these lines.  I just feel like she spoke out the words in my heart.

Remembering this quarter, My parents keep calling and try their best to convince me to go back and get married somehow. keeping on doing a phd, just means that I will never have time to fully enjoy myself, at least in my parents’ perspective. And I might be end up being alone for my whole life.

I also struggled about that. Life is so alone, like another lines I like in the movie

” life is so lonely, we are born alone, and dead alone”

“the only thing that makes the whole thing work is the few moments in your life that you feel truly connected with someone ”

Yes, maybe I would be alone for whole my life, maybe I will not have the privilege to enjoy all the wonderful things and even share these with another. But going back and geting married with someone who don’t understand me, can’t solve the problem.

I bet it would make the situation worse.  I should still pursuit my dream and do the things I truly feel belonged to and live with someone who I truly feel connected with.

I love the scenes when the two of them, laying on each size of a sofa and reading books. with classical music playing as background. when it came to change the record, they push each other ~~ it is so sweet and it is exactly the thing I want for my life. Finding someone who can spend time with you, quietly and  warmly.

the road is tough and waiting is torturing. Even you got someone, when the fate comes, he has to leave you, the pain is also intolerable, but these few sweet moments with him are the things to shine the whole life and the reason why we still want to live.

 

So I will never give up no matter what happen. sorry dad and mom, I am not a good daughter, my wills go against your wishes , but I will promise one thing—–I will be happy and will have no regret on my choice