重看仙剑奇侠

仙剑是我最喜欢的电视剧之一，包括金粉世家， 都是我认为中国内地拍的最好的电视剧，剧情对于当时的我，都可能只是一知半解，但这么多年过去了，回头再看看，依然觉得很有启发，而且很有意义

有时觉得爱情这个东西，可以说是这世界上最最奇怪的东西了，很难讲得清楚原因，而且我本身也觉得根本不存在什么原因，存在的都是说不清道不明的感觉~

但爱情就是这样，我应该抓住主动权，好好努力经营我自己，好好学习,好好生活，但当爱情来临的时候，应该毫不犹豫的抓住 ！！

I have a dream

when I get mature, I kind of believe in the social system structure, I kind of get into the limitation of what I can do.  However, it is not good. I just don’t want to work hard. Giving in is a excuse for not working hard. but I am not going to settle down, whether it is about relationship or anything else. I am not going to admit that there is something I am not capable of doing. I will try and try, I will work my way to the best I could be. If it is not my ability, then I will compensate using my tedious hard work. Who says being a women, I have to give up so much?

who says relationship is the only thing women should worry about? who says women should set back just for a marriage?

I have tried and tried, and find out the most interesting in life, is not being controlled by others, but work like a man,

the motive to get back to my original routine

don’t worry about the future, but work you way through future. I really want to do something useful and surrounded by great people, so what is the best way to do that? I need to get back my motivation and get to the environment issues again.

Silly valley is a great place, but it is also full of the illusion about the super importance of Internet. Is getting connected so important that we ignore other aspects of a real life?  No, there are lots of other things I could do for a living, always depending on what kind of life I would like to lead. Though I would live a life with a lot of money, it is also a life of lots of pressure and work hours. Living is not about making money, but for a quality work and contributions, then enjoy to some extend. So, I would work hard to establish myself in this area and keep working hard

now, let’s getting started.

2014, an essential year of your life

  as I entered my fourth year of my Ph.d study, I feel a lot of pressure getting out asap. though I think graduate school is like a vocation for me, I can’t stay here permanently since I have to go on with my life, like careers, family, kids and so on.

So graduation is very top in my list. However, It seems I still don’t understand my situation quite much.

To get out of stanford, I need to put a substantial work on my research and get published. It is a tough job, but no one can work it out for me only myself.

When I spent  lots of time travelling, the things I get to know much better is —- one day, you can achieve lots of things, if you open your mind and exploring. Sitting in front of computer, I waste most of time consumption. However, if I have an end in mind, it could be quite different. So for this year, I have to committed myself, if it is not for working out or cleaning up, never waste time in watching random videos. besides, watching News should be effective.  

When we say new years resolution, we tend to focus on the goals we want to accomplish this year. However, it is never about the goals, it is about the habits we need to get and some routines we need to stick to.

For this year 

I committed to 

1 wake up before 7 pm every single day

2 get to sleep before 12 am

3 never cross my leg , sit straight

4 work out every other day

5 committed to never buy one simple piece of clothing

6 never buy shoes

7 travel a lot

8 finishing one thing then start another thing. — in short one thing at a time

 

 

Love life and smile every morning

先做人，再做一个女人

dear 元

  谢谢你昨天花了这么多时间开导我，很庆幸有你这样一个朋友。虽然你提了很多practical solution, 晚上我仔细想想，却发现我自己trapped。。

    在这个over sexual 年代， 男人跟女人都是很难的，至少在中国，前几十年，大家都不会这么直白的把性感受放在择偶的条件中，虽然它下意识中影响人的荷尔蒙。 人总是倾向于说，他性格好，人好，理解我，blablabla..现在好像更多的是，男生选择的都是看大胸长腿之类的，女生在自己有条件的情况下就选择帅哥肌肉男，没条件的情况下选择出卖自己而得到金钱，地位，长期饭票。。。至于你的择偶观，漂亮的又是喝之即来挥之即去的，似乎很有把女性物化的感觉，更多的，不是找partner,而且性发泄的对象~~

   我不喜欢，也不赞同这种倾向。 虽然 你可以骂我idealist, 但我还是觉得真正好的伴侣，是谈出来的，是有共同的兴趣爱好，有很好的沟通，有相似的理念，并且很享受对方的陪伴的。而不仅仅是床上的表现，或者那几分钟的感受。

  我一直觉得跟我的一些朋友有讨论，为什么身体的一些特征就一定能保证你attractive, 没有某些特征就一定不attractive了嘛？ 美， 是一个哲学话题，从柏拉图到康德，对于什么是美就是标准不一的，现在的媒体只是很刻板的选择了一种标准，不要忘掉在非洲，还是以胖为美的。。。。本来就是客观的东西，我根本不想削足适屦，我就是这个样子，绝对不会为了一些傻乎乎的标准去整容，挨饿，涂一些乱七八糟的在我的脸 上。。。而且我还觉得我这个样子，挺好的~~

feminist movement在第二次潮流以后，现在已经到了使女性更加难以生存的地步。 一方面更多的媒体，电影 一直还在持续物化女性的外表，让男人只注重在女人的身体上，一方面女性的成就反而成了她们找伴侣的阻碍。 即使我有选择，在当一个花瓶跟当一个女强人之间，我还是会选择当一个女强人的。 至少，生命是很美好的，有太多的东西值得我去欣赏，值得我去explore, 而仅仅为了取悦男人，为了嫁出去而把自己放到这么低，根本是太不值得了。

我自己20多年的努力，并不是为了一张结婚证，我还有自己的理想，自己的人生，对于男性因为我的外表而产生这样的歧视，这样的态度，我非常不能接受， 我必须尊重自己做为一个人的权利，首先要想想如何成为一个更好的人，再考虑如何做一个更好的女人。即使没有人欣赏，我自己欣赏，尊重我自己就可以了。

 

男人喜欢不喜欢我，并不关我的事情了，我也不想知道答案了，我突然觉得，我应该找一个尊重我自己的人。如果他喜欢我的话，我会争取的。如果他不喜欢我，我也不会勉强了，把自己当得这么贱，真不值得。。

anyway, I believe, sleeping with someone is way less important than spending time with them, and I do believe, sex is overrated.